S6 Episode 13: The Wedding of River Song

Finally, the episode we've all been waiting for!

The Doctor is resigned to his fate, but first, he wants to know why he has to die.  Moffat makes things even more ridiculously complicated by having Dorium tell him some crazy-ass prophecy.  The Silence wants to avoid this prophecy from coming true, so their solution is to kill the Doctor.  Because apparently, if he lives, the universe will end (for what, the 6,000th time?)  He gives the Teselecta the invitations for Amy, Rory, River, Canton, and himself to deliver because he can't cross his own time line (this week).

He goes to Lake Silencio and, sure enough, the Impossible Astronaut is River Song, who just found out that she's the one who kills him.  But then, shockingly, the Doctor doesn't die!  River somehow stops the suit from killing him!

And now time is screwed up.  All of time is existing at once (but selectively, there's not a dozen Prime Ministers running around).  People can't remember the way it was before, and time is always stuck at 5:02.

The Doctor finds Amy, who is wearing an eyepatch.  She doesn't seem to know that Rory is Rory, and she tells the Doctor that she's looking for him (but she thinks he looks like someone else - is that drawing supposed to be the other guy from The Eleventh Hour?)  Anyway, she takes him to the pyramids, there are a bunch of Silence and Madame Eyepatch imprisoned, Rory is a guard, and River is there ... because ...

But wait!  It's a trap!  The Silence "escape" by making the eye patches malfunction; the Doctor and Amy get out, but Rory insists on staying behind to save Amy.  However, just as the Silence are about to kill him, Amy saves Rory.  They leave Madame Eyepatch to die.

So if the Doctor touches River, this time will be undone, and they'll be back at Lake Silencio.  But the Doctor insists on fixing things, so he and River get married, and time reverts back to Lake Silencio.  The Doctor dies.

Some time after this, River shows up at Amy and Rory's house.  She has a chat with Amy, wherein she tells her that the Doctor is still alive.  And, sure enough, he is.  Because the thing that "died" was the Teselecta.  But now everyone thinks he's dead, so everything will be okay and no one will come after him.

Dang.

Dislikes:

1)  Well, I hated just about everything in this episode.  Where to start?  I guess, first of all, I am really tired of all these characters coming back and coming back and coming back.  During the RTD era, everyone who didn't like RTD complained about characters showing up all the time - I just cannot wrap my head around why it's okay for Moffat to do the same thing, and the RTD haters have no problem with it.  Personally, I don't have a problem with characters coming back, except for the fact that it was an issue with RTD haters!

2)  So ... the Doctor has to save the universe again?  Once again, this was an issue with RTD haters.  I don't see all of them shouting about how ridiculous is it for the Doctor to have to save the universe at the end of every series now.

3)  The Doctor says, "I hate rats" - please do not tell me that this is an Indiana Jones reference ("I hate snakes").  I guess that's my only issue with the line ...

4)  Again with the Rose and Jack references - they drive me crazy.  I'd be okay with him never mentioning them, since previous Doctors don't seem to mention former companions.  But I have a hard time believing that he'd send letters to Amy and Rory over Jack.  So shut the f*&# up about him.

5)  Since when does the Doctor care about crossing his own time stream?  Seriously, I'd appreciate a bit of consistency in the rules.

6)  Silence = still not scary, especially since it looks like they're all farting in their little water prisons.

7)  How did River rewrite time?  Is it because she's a magical TARDIS baby?

8) Why is the Doctor trying to get Amy and Rory together?  Rory is so much better without her.  Oh, probably because without Rory, Amy would be trying to rape the Doctor.  Yeah, I'd try to set her up with someone else, too.

9)  So much of this episode doesn't make sense - it seems like Moffat did certain things, like Amy not recognizing Rory, just to have a gag.  Honestly, why does Amy remember River, but not Rory?

10)  Overall, I hate the structure of this entire episode.  I'm not sure what I meant by that statement, but I don't really want to watch it again, so I'll leave that to you, Dear Reader, to figure out.

11)  If Silence will fall when the Doctor dies, and it's the Silence orchestrating the whole thing, then why do they want to destroy themselves?  Are they that stupid, that they don't understand that silence = Silence?  (Although, I still think that "silence" and "Silence" being the same thing is ridiculous.  I still maintain that the "silence" spoken of in the last series was referring to the crack obliterating the universe.  Why would the fishy vampires be running from the Silence?)

Likes:

1)  How did I forget about the Teselecta?  I should have realized then that he would have them assume his appearance.  This was cool, and I don't think anyone expected it.

2)  I believe that when the eyepatch viking falls into the pit, that's the first time this Doctor has tried to save his enemy (as opposed to Ten, who almost always tried to save his enemies).

3)  When Amy leaves Madame Eyepatch to die, she says of her coldness, "River didn't get it all from you, sweetie."  That was pretty cool.

4)  Hot damn, I think Karen Gillan has finally learned how to act.  I love the look on her face when she says that she's the Doctor's mother-in-law.

5)  I really enjoyed the scene between Amy and River at the end, when Amy says that she got them a bottle of wine.  It was the first moment where I really gave a crap about their relationship.  It was a genuine moment, and it was such a relief to see that after two series where so much seems forced.

Curiouser and Curiouser:

There were a few things in the "Dislikes" section that belong here, but they bothered me so much that I put them in the earlier category.  However, let's explore this whole "dead Doctor" idea, and the problems it presents.

1)  The Teselecta know that he's not dead.

2)  If his "not dying" made the world all funky, but he didn't die, then why is the world all funky (because Moffat needed a reason to do something SO SUPER CRAZY!)  His death, or at least, the appearance of his death, was a fixed point in time.  Unless River shooting him is the fixed point.  But wait, why was she able to not shoot him?

3) How can he go on any more adventures if he's "dead"?  And since he's a Time Lord and can do things out of chronological order, then how do the Silence know that killing him on April 22, 2011 will prevent the future event from happening?  Shit, can everyone time travel?

4) The whole universe just keeps resetting, Amy has all these memories of other time streams.  She is seriously going to end up in a mental institution.

5)  On a separate note, we are led to believe that the Doctor is actually 200 years older than he was when he left Amy.  I have a very hard time believing that out of all of his companions, Amy and Canton are on his Top Four Most Trusted list.  What about Jack?  Martha?  Sarah Jane (sniff)?  And I guess we have to assume that he's been courting River this whole time, including time in her own time line before she was forced to kill him?

So, at the end of Series 6, we're left with more questions, more convoluted problems, and very few real answers.  I'd like to see River Song leave for good.  I don't think that she and the Doctor have any chemistry, and I didn't feel like he "married" her because he loves her.  I don't feel any of the chemistry between River and Eleven that we felt with Rose and Ten, or even Rose and Nine.  I don't know if it's the directing, the writing, or the huge age gap between the two actors, but I just don't buy the Doctor/River relationship.  And since Moffat has thrown the whole "my past is his future" concept out the window, we have no idea where we are in either of their time lines.

And I'm so done with Amy.  I can't imagine what use she is to the Doctor anymore.  He's used her, the Silence have used her - let her just go and live her little life with Rory.  Or, you know, that handsome guy from The Eleventh Hour, so Rory can go off and have adventures with the Doctor.

We won't have any new episodes of Doctor Who until next fall, and it really, honestly pains me to say this, but I don't care.  I don't care what happens to any of these characters.  I'm not on the edge of my seat the way I was after watching the first three series back-to-back, then having to wait an excruciatingly long time for series 4 and the specials.  I don't feel that way anymore, and it makes me really sad.  I'd love to see Eleven break out on his own for a while, or hang out with Sally Sparrow.  I'd love (as mentioned above) for Amy to have an affair and dump Rory so he can tool around the 'Verse in the TARDIS.

Since there will be no more Eleven to write about for a while, I'll pop in here every once in a while to discuss other things that bother me about Doctor Who.  For instance, when I read forums and Facebook groups, I often think that these people must be watching a different series from me, since they interpret things so differently.  I'll pick out the things that I disagree with and write about them here, rather than start a flame war.

Until then, this is for both Amy and River:

S6 Episode 12: Closing Time

This is totally my favorite episode of this entire series so far.  Wow!  I LOVE Craig!

So the Doctor pops in on Craig to say hi, kind of like the Tenth Doctor went around and said goodbye to his former companions before he regenerated.  So all the people who think that was crappy can SHUT UP now!!  Craig and Sophie have a son now named Alfie, although the Doctor says that his name is Stormageddon (he speaks Baby).  The Doctor notices that the lights are flickering, and against his better judgment, he decides to stick around and figure out what's going on.

Craig insists on going with the Doctor to investigate, hilarity ensures.  It turns out that a Cybermat is draining energy, and Cybermen are taking people and converting them.  The Doctor finds the Cyberman space ship, is captured, Craig tries to help, almost gets turned into a Cyberman, but then they hear Alfie crying and Craig is able to reverse the conversion.

The episode ends with River Song investigating the Doctor's "last" appearance on Earth.  Then Eyepatch Lady and the Silence show up, stick River in a space suit, and put her at the bottom of Lake Silencio.

Likes:

1)  The exchanges between the Doctor and Craig are fantastic, just like last time.

Doctor:  You've redecorated!  I don't like it.
Craig:  It's a new house!

Craig:  You know what to do if he cries!
Doctor:  No, I don't!
Craig (OS):  Me neither!

2)  Okay, this baby is totally reminiscent of Stewie from Family Guy.  While I don't like another baby being a character on the show, he is MUCH better than wet old Melody Pond.  Also, I don't believe that the Doctor actually speaks Baby - I think he just speaks for the babies the way "speak" for our pets.  He's just having a good time.

3)  I love the Doctor's reference to K-9 when he's playing with the robot dog.  "Not as fun as I remember".

4)  I liked the Cybermat - it was very reminiscent of Tomb of the Cybermen.

5)  Craig:  Metal rat with a mouth!  Metal rat with a mouth!


Dislikes:

1)  Didn't like the baby.  Why does everyone have babies?  Best thing about Rose, Martha, and Donna - NO GORRAM BABIES!

2)  I didn't like when the Doctor pretended he was going to kiss Craig.  It wasn't funny at all, insinuating that even Craig might be a little bit in love with the Doctor.  Everyone shouldn't be in love with the Doctor!  Again, a HUGE complaint about the RTD era, and I have yet to read anything online about people having an issue with it now.  Cause Moffat is such a gorram god to so many people.

3)  I don't like Matt Smith tossing his hair around all the time.  Can't they bobby pin it down or something?  Hair spray?  Something?

4)  I didn't like the Ponds showing up.  And suddenly she's a model.  Of course, we have no idea how much time has passed.  However, I have a very hard time believing she's a model.  Not only that, but she's modeling Petrichor (the smell of dust after rain) and the tagline is "For the girl who's tired of waiting".  So apparently she has control over the entire line of perfume.  So is she a model or did she develop the perfume?  That kind of career takes years to develop, and her only experience is being a Kiss-O-Gram.  On the other hand, what did I expect her to do, become a rocket scientist?

5)  Again, the solution to the problem is LOVE.  Gag me with a spoon.

6)  The Doctor says that his "shhh" power only works once, and only on those with underdeveloped brains, thus making it a big joke that it works on Craig and the girl in the shop.  Haha!  But then he uses the "shh" trick on the shopgirl a second time.  Wait a minute ... what happened to it only working once?  Oh, right, no one gives a shit about any kind of continuity these days.


Curiouser and Curiouser

1)  These Cybermen lack the Cybus Industries logo, and the Doctor says that they've been buried there for centuries.

2)  We finally get an explanation as to why River never remembered anything about her past - Eyepatch Lady says that they were "far too thorough" with her "dear little head".

Enjoy this little exchange between Craig and the Doctor: