Well, I'm not sure where to begin with this one. It seems so disjointed to me, but I'll give it a shot.
The episode starts out with brief looks at various characters who have appeared in (I can only guess here) classic Doctor Who episodes. Each of their stories ends with the TARDIS appearing - the Doctor has come to collect his debts. He is clearly amassing an army to storm the castle and rescue Amy. Meanwhile on Demon's Run, Amy is talking to her newborn daughter, telling her not to worry because The Last Centurion will come to rescue them. Somewhere in space, Rory shows up on board a Cybership. He says he has a message and a question - "where is my wife?" When the Cybermen ask what the message is, there is an explosion in the background, as several Cyberships are blown to smithereens. Rory says, "shall I repeat the question?"
So Melody is taken from Amy; meanwhile, the Eyepatch Lady and her troops are mustering forces against the Doctor. Among them are the Headless Monks. I'm still not really sure why they're even in this, as they don't really serve much point. A young soldier named Lorna comes to Amy's room with a present of a prayer leaf with Melody's name stitched in the tongue of the Gamma forest people.
The Doctor shows up on Demon's Run disguised as a Headless Monk, and with him are all his buddies who are going to help him. They seem to take over Demon's Run quite quickly, saving Melody and giving her back to Amy. Now, instead of getting on the TARDIS and flying Amy and Rory and Melody off somewhere safe, they all just lark around in the big ol' empty place. The Doctor brings out a cradle for Melody and says it was originally his (which I don't believe for a second). He tells Amy that he believes that she was taken shortly before America, (which I have a hard time believing, too). The lesbians call him to the control room, and it is there that they tell him that the people who had stolen Amy were scanning Melody, and that she was part Time Lord. Cause Amy and Rory did the nasty on the TARDIS.
Just then, the Headless Monks attack and almost all of the Doctor's buddies are killed. During this, the Eyepatch Lady gets on a video link with the Doctor and says something about how fooling him once was super cool but fooling him again in the same way was like the epitome of awesomeness. Well, as the Doctor rushes to Amy, we see that the baby has melted into plastic goo - the baby was an avatar, just like Amy had been. So they have Melody after all.
Lorna dies after seeing the Doctor, and then River shows up. She brings the Doctor over to the cradle and says, "can't you read"? He gets all weird and mentally challenged again and then pops off into his TARDIS and quite irresponsibly leaves them all there. River shows Amy the prayer leaf from Lorna, and since it takes the TARDIS sooooo long to translate the written word, we now see that it says "River" on one side and "Song" on the other. Wow. River is Amy and Rory's daughter. Who'dve guessed?
Curiouser and Curiouser
1) So Moffat is supposed to be this brilliant writer, yet he knocks us on the head with the whole "River Song" thing. Apparently, he didn't think we were smart enough to figure it out from the name "Melody Pond". And River saying, "they don't have a name for 'pond' in the Gamma forests, the only water in the forest is the river". Again, WHACK! Beating us over the head with it.
2) While we're on the prayer leaf (which is actually a pretty neat little concept), let's talk about this whole TARDIS translation thing. According to River, it sometimes takes a little while to translate the written word. Yet, it had no problem translating HELLO SWEETIE on the side of a cliff the second they opened the door last season.
3) It makes no sense that Amy would have been taken before America. She thought she was pregnant. Then they separated, and months later she tells the Doctor that she's better - no pregnancy. It makes soooo much more sense for them to have grabbed her while she was on her own running across the USA, not before.
4) When Rory comes to River at her cell to ask for her help, she stares at him like she's never seen him before. She gets this look of awe and wonder on her face. It's almost sickening. She has to have known in all the previous episodes that Amy and Rory are her parents, so why has she never stared at them like that before, especially when she says that they've already met? Or did she lie? It's so messed up.
5) If Melody was taken from Amy so quickly, how on earth were those pictures of the girl and Amy in the orphanage? I have a hard time believing that Amy would have posed for such a nice picture at Demon's Run. Also, if Melody is River and is also the girl in the astronaut suit, then I will ask again - how does River not know what is going on?
6) My husband pointed this one out to me - the Cybermen in this episode don't have the Cybus Industries mark on them. Are they another type of Cybermen? Do they have a different origin story?
Dislikes:
1) What a strange way to discuss Rory. Moffat clearly wants us to think that Amy's talking about the Doctor - can we please be done with the love triangle? It's soooo tiresome. And seriously, she thinks that Rory has the ability to rescue them? Since when does she have any kind of confidence in Rory? Not to mention that he's NOT older than he looks, if, "in this reality", as the Doctor says, the universe has been rebooted. Also, the Doctor is the one who said that they were going to come get her, not Rory.
2) I can't believe the Doctor blew up an entire Cyber Legion to make his point. Since when is killing so easy for him? It really bothers me. I suppose it's to make their point about how the Doctor has become synonymous with "warrior". However, we already went through all of this at the end of David Tennant's reign. He was starting to act like God, etc. etc. I feel like we're just rehashing all of that. Not to mention the fact that Davros made a huge point about how the Doctor makes people dangerous, he turns them into soldiers. Well, here's the Doctor forcing them into that role, and half of them die. Does he even care? No, he just gets all giggly about River and prances off to his TARDIS, tra la la.
3) River Song is starting to look really old and puffy. I hope they get rid of her fast - and that's not likely to happen. It's going to become the River and Amy Show, isn't it?
4) When the Doctor and his buddies descend on Demon's Run, it really took me aback. One criticism of Russell T. Davies was that he was always bringing back companions and other characters. It's almost like Moffat said, "WWRTDD?" And seriously - Danny Boy? I'm sure that all the Moffat fans LOVED it, though. Had RTD done it, there would have been nothing but whinging. What constant, f-ing hypocrites.
5) The Doctor is so mean. He wants the Colonel to be remembered as "Colonel Runaway". Yes, this is something that Ten would have done (remember, "doesn't she look tired?") However, Eleven is such as ass about it. He cannot be angry without also being a total douche.
6) Again, why don't they just get in the TARDIS where they'll be safe? No, they have to skip around like they're on holiday. Idiots. I get that the Doctor wants to know what's going on, but Amy would still be safer in the TARDIS than anywhere else.
7) The hug between the Doctor and Amy goes on for so long, it's completely awkward. They're having a conservation in the midst of a hug. WTF?
8) When River tells Amy and Rory that she's their daughter, it so reminded me of a soap opera. And that's essentially what Doctor Who is now. Amy and Rory's daughter, who was stolen at birth, is really River Song, their best friend's future wife - we think - who all this time has been sharing adventures with them before they even knew they would have a child. BARF.
Likes:
When the Sontaran is dying, Rory tells him that he'll be okay, he's a warrior. The Sontaran replies, "I'm not a warrior, I'm a nurse". This is quite a reflection of Rory, who is also a nurse, and maybe not the warrior that he is pretending to be at the moment.
Speaking of Cybermen, I just watched this episode the other day - Tomb of the Cybermen - and this scene made me laugh so hard!
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